monkeycock

hey bitches

Recently I was reading about an old man who was having a very hard time with his neighbors. They were keeping him up with their loud music, morning noon and night! He could find no peace, how could this be happening in America? He didn’t fight for his country like a patriot in WW2 only to be driven mad by those pesky neighbors and their MUSIC! Something must be done, but what? Should he take the law into his own hands? Head over there and demand with a fierce shaking of his old man fist that they stop! He is a veteran!!! Maybe if they showed some GOSHDAMN respect to their elders America would be a better place today!!! Like when he was a boy, YOU WOULD OF NEVER ANNOYED YOUR NEIGHBORS! IT ISN’T WHAT GOOD CHRISTIAN GOD FEARING PEOPLE DO! No wonder this country is full of unwed teenage mother sex parties where everyone has abortions while they talk about evolution! IT ALL WENT DOWN HILL AS SOON AS THEY TOOK THE PRAYER OUT OF SCHOOLS! And no one is picking up their dog poop anymore and you have to go to the store AND BUY MILK ! Its ridiculous, all he is trying to do is get some piece and quiet until he dies and joins Esther in heaven where she is playing BRIDGE WITH JESUS!

Those neighbors have gone too far, they have poked the wrong bear!!!!! He is upset…. HE IS GOING TO CALL….THE AUTHORITIES!

When the police show up they try to calm the old man down, they listen to his complaints about the endless music and those terrible neighbors who may or may not even BE CITIZENS of his beloved country he nearly DIED FOR!!!! Illegal Mexicans taking AMERICAN JOBS and flooding the system with their MEXICAN FOODS digestive problems, stealing healthcare from good hardworking AMERICAN VETERANS!

And then one of the police officers goes to the shelf and silences the musical greeting card that has been tormenting the old man for days.

The only sound he hears now is the last tiny bit of his dignity slowly slipping away.

kisses!
x

you can download the mp3 here

dear otis,

i know we only just met the other day but I can’t stop thinking about you. At first you were so timid, watching me from a distance until I was able to break thru with my sweet words. You are so electric, like fire and glowing even in the sun. When you moved closer to me and I touched you for the first time we both felt a special connection, a spark like the little ember you resemble. I hoped you wouldn’t hurt me and you accepted my trust with an open heart. I was right about you and you returned my affection with your very unique little kiss.

I daydream about you and if we were able to be together how you would be my constant companion. You could tell me secrets in my ears and I would teach you my words. I hope someone there loves you like I could, if only I knew how, and circumstance wasn’t there to keep us apart.

Perhaps I should free you… perhaps it would be worth the risk to be able to kiss you without boundaries. Do I have the courage to face the scaly dragons and bearded ladies who keep you imprisoned? Could I face the wrath of he who says no more beloveds?

my dear otis, my little ember

x

good morning monday

i’m gonna listen to Flunk as I type this, its a lovely little band I discovered through Pandora and bought a bunch of their albums on itunes right away. That is one of the best things about the internet, new discoveries and hidden little treasures like a band you may of never heard of but shall adore.

it got me starting to think about the impact of computers in our daily lives and how yesterday I almost sucked the big donkey dick of misery. I was never a laptop girl, I could understand it but there was always something I enjoyed about a chunky desktop computer. It stayed in its place and I couldn’t lug it around with me on vacations so I could enjoy true freedom and relaxation from technology. Then I borrowed a laptop from a friend and even though it smelled strangely of armpits I fell in love with the portable experience. Check your email outside, sure! ichat from the bath, indeed! I wrote the forward to the book Podcasting for Dummies outside on my hammock one lovely summer day and plenty of cramps have been suffered thru with my little laptop in bed with me, watching movies that make me cry in a good necessary way.

I eventually had to give back Pitty but then I got a laptop of my own, she’s a white iBook G4 and while she lacks some of the fancy upgrades the later editions have I still love my little Puter.

And yesterday I nearly killed her.

I normally work at my desk, (I’m there right now writing this) and I usually have something to drink on a coaster near me. Yesterday it was a glass of ice water in a cup sent as a gift from a beloved listener. Well, me and my awkwardness knocked that glass right over, pouring the entire contents INTO MY PUTER! I risked my life by quickly unplugging it and then yelled “fuck!”. It must of been my tone because Drew came running out of a dead sleep with that single word and we started the frantic process of towels, qtips, hairdryers and more cussing. Domkus actually said “shit” which made me pause for a moment as I could barely believe my ears but then I snapped back into reality and got back to my own cuss infested cleaning.

Luckily my model has a keyboard you can lift up, something I have never needed to do before. I was able to soak up all the water and so far, (knock on wood) it seems as if she is ok. I know Puter is just a little combo of plastic, metals and magic but she is mine and I’m glad I didn’t drown her in my pursuit of hydration.

I’m a lucky girl indeed!

x

yo.

so to celebrate my first whole week as a internet blogging sensation I ate ice cream… FROM A TUBE.

At first when I saw it at the grocery store I was like, “that’s dumb, it’s barely enough ice cream to satisfy a newborn baby” which may be why no one lets me babysit newborns. But then I realized the beauty of the tube, it was portion control, it was portable, you didn’t need a spoon! I must have you little tube of chocolate ice cream, you will be mine. My plan was to eat it in the car on the way home before it melts / I would have to share with the domkus. I kept laser sight on it thru the check out process to make sure I knew its location for when the time was right and when the bag boy dared asked me paper or plastic I just shouted in response, “THE TUBE! THE TUBE!”

When he was finished rolling his eyes I was off! I loaded the car up and threw the tube of ice cream on the passenger seat. My mouth was dripping with anticipation of the creamy goodness, I ripped off the foil and began to lick.

That’s when I noticed the man in the car next to me, watching. I realized that eating from a tube of ice cream has to be the dirtiest looking thing I have ever done… for free. You have to literally use both hands to coax more ice cream up the tube and then it slides back down so you do it again and again, licking and sucking this phallic shaped confection.

We made eye contact as I finished every last drop and then he had a heart attack and died. But in my defense, he was old and I REALLY like ice cream. And I’m pretty sure he was a pervert.

see you next week!

x

when i was younger i used to watch gumby and there was nothing more amusing than his coasting little feet, skating across my little girl heart. i would try to make stop animation movies on my own but would get bored after shooting the first 3 seconds, which is the equivalent of 10,000 years to a younger Dawn Miceli. you could blame my A.D.D. or the fact that pregnant women in the seventies were free to consume cigarettes and alcohol, free from judgment, but I still was a five year old film making failure. I let that dream die, right along with my dream to become a mermaid and show off my tiny luscious boobs with strategically placed sea shells.

Fast forward eleven years and I realized my dream for doing a kick ass stop animation movie was not dead! I felt the pull again, I felt the fire to create, I was being pulled into the creative cosmos of self expression!

Ok, my friend’s incredibly hot older brother was making one, and I wanted to make out with him / make a movie too.

We spent hours playing with clay and creating sets and in the end we did have a two minute masterpiece although it was created entirely without ANY making out which was a disappointment (and makes me question if perhaps the older brother was gay as it was a FRIDAY NIGHT and he was SOOOO HOT but yet alone with HIS PARENTS and totally not grabbing my boobs which I was practically placing in his palms. And really, he was so very pretty… )

So that was the last time I tried to make a stop animation movie….. until the other night after a few shots to celebrate the victory of Cinco de Mayo where a very half assed drunk film crew, (me drew and paul) shot this little treasure on drew’s iphone as we were too lazy to go upstairs and get the nice camera.

It kinda sucks but it does amuse me and make me want to make another one, this time with a background and better lighting…. oh and more making out.

now u make one too!

hello

so today drew, paul and I went on a bike ride. I haven’t been really into riding bikes since I learned to drive so I expected to struggle a bit on the route here near the farm. The last time I spent any good amount of time on a bicycle was at Burning Man a few years ago and that is all even riding with no hills. Plus I decorated the bike I was borrowing from Dave and Essa with lovely ribbons and everyone knows you can totally go faster if you look cool.

So we set out down the country roads and there were moments where I felt like I was going so fast I got nervous. At one farm the local dog came running down the driveway frantically barking and warning us to “back off bitches”. I screamed “Sparky Go Home!” which is what I yell to any dog I see running towards me and therefore we all survived.

Shamefully I had to push my bike up two of the bigger hills because I am still getting the hang of shifting and also I am weak. Its fun to imagine what people are muttering in their cars about me as they zoom on by.

But I can be smug knowing that I am out in the sunshine on a perfectly lovely day while they are trapped in a moving cube of metal.
(although my crotch does feel like I just did a gang bang…. not that I know what that feels like…. sorta)

hello u

i’ve been sleeping a lot lately and i think i realize why…. i dont have a monkey. Now I know most people SAY they want a monkey but I’m different, I have researched it like crazy and I even have a monkey preference! Do YOU have a monkey preference? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Anywho, today in my electronic mailz i received notice of the company I often buy worms from for my sugar gliders is having a sale. Next to the coupon for 10% off live phoenix worms is a picture of the most adorable baby tamarins. Tiny and sweet with their little smooshed faces and freakishly familiar hands. I literally want to eat them because they are that cute, I want to shove them in my mouth and let them live in there forever. Think of the conversations I would have at parties, “Dawn, you are being quiet tonight. Is everything ok?” and to this I would reply ” hhaafeveeoemoohnnjjjeeyyyymouuutthhhh”

Its gonna be awesome!

so can i borrow $3,000?

i just put the sundays on to write this post, they are one of my favorite bands and perfect for a day like today. here on the farm it finally feels like spring, all the trees have their little buds and the grass has taken on a technicolor green. i used to listen to the sundays while i drove in my old 1978 honda civic honda-matic. She was my first car and my dad bought it for me for $400. I loved her even though she could only drive 22 minutes before overheating. I can still hear my friends complaining on hot summer days when we were forced to have the heat on, our feet in our sandals burning. But there was something soothing about listening to the sundays, a melodic balm on our feisty spirits.

I used to think it was annoying, having our adventures in twenty two minute increments but now I realize that it was never about the destination, it was always about the journey.

x